Well it appears that a young Italian lad, Mario (I can't make this stuff up), aged 16 had a little argument with his father over Assassination techni- I mean FIFA 09. You know, that game that only people in Europe play because here in America we know what football really is. Either way the entire ordeal began with his father attempting to give him advice on how to play the game. That was mistake number...well...there are a lot of mistakes but we'll skip those for now.

When this apparently horrible advice was given Mario got angry and threatened to not save the princess anymore. His father, whom I just realized I never named until this point (Fabrizio, for those interested), turned off the Television. Now this is where it becomes interesting. He turned off the television. Not the console that the game was being played on. Now I'm going to assume it was just the television considering they specified the television. What does this mean? It means Mario could have paused the game. That sounds reasonable right? Well it isn't.

If you thought that was reasonable you obviously aren't Italian enough. Mario got up, walked into the kitchen, got a 15 inch knife, stabbed his father in the throat, walked back into a kitchen and cleaned the bloody knife in front of his mother who really just didn't give a damn. A part of me thinks this was a planned hit put out by his wife and new love interest to take over the family business but what do I know? In the end the father survived the attack; he stumbled into the kitchen holding his throat at which point the mother finally figured something was wrong.

Let's take a very brief moment to explain something to all you young readers. When you plan on stabbing your loved ones in the throat, don't say anything, there seems to be a rather decent chance that no one will care until they get the blood on their kitchen floor. If that happens you're just screwed. The father survived by the way.

Another rather mentally unstable child has a violent rage that the media will have a field day over. They are going to, but they shouldn't. The truth being, video games had nothing to do with this. It was the fact it's soccer, sorry football, is reason enough. That said I am going to formally begin the petition against soc-...you know what screw you in the US it's called soccer - Ahem, petition against soccer and fully banning the sport to be watched. This "professional soccer" is a long lived violent activity that has been spreading hate and death among today's youth and it needs to be stopped.

In the end, If Assassins Creed II has taught me anything it's that all young Italian men carry swords and kill people. So this isn't really 'news' now is it?


(For those counting, 4-5 Italian/Mario Jokes)